Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin.
The battlefield once more was strewn with the corpses of the slain and as always, the familiar figure of Coop stood there, calmly wiping the blood of the fallen from his weapon. As he looked toward the horizon, wondering where his journey would take him next, he heard a cry
"COOOOOOOOOOP!" Bellowed a man from behind him. As Coop turned to look, he caught sight of a man astride a horse, who came charging in down the hillside. Preparing himself for an ambush, the character came into view and Coop realised that this man wore Moderator Gold. Lifting the visor of his helm, deckheadtottie cantered up to Coop, an impassive look on his face.
"My friend, it is time. We must ride, as your presence is requested." Coop shrugged and whistled, as his chestnut mare trotted across the field to where they stood. Silently, he mounted up and delivered his measured response to his old friend.
"Where do we ride to?" He showed no emotion for the lives that he had just taken and fell into step alongside deckheadtottie.
"Two days East of here, you are summoned before the court. No more I know."
"Am I under arrest? Is that what this is about? I must be breaking you heart." Deckheadtottie remained impassive towards Coop. They rode for two days, stopping only for rest and the occasional skirmish that festered in the portal's chaotic landscape. At dawn on the third morning, Coop and deckheadtottie mounted up and rode towards a grand castle, adorned with the tank. This was where the king lived - the mighty TomFulp and his courtesans. As we approached the gate, two figures blocked our way, their broad arms using pikes to block our passage into the sanctuary.
"Halt, this knight does not have privileges to enter." Malachy stood there, steely gaze set into the mid distance.
"I have clearance from Prince WadeFulp. He has requested the knight's presence personally." Deckheadtottie flourished a scroll, which Malachy duly read it and sneered over the top at them.
"The condemned may pass. Take him from my sight." Both he and Kirk-Cocaine relaxed their guard and allowed both of the riders into the courtyard. They dismounted and handed their mounts to servants, who stabled them. Following deckheadtottie's lead, they walked into the banquet hall, where the king held his court. A well dressed man was walking down the corridor and he stopped to talk to the pair of them.
"Gentlemen. Lovely day for it, don't you think?"
"Indeed, my lord!" deckheadtottie bowed smartly and Coop hurriedly followed suit "Would you happen to know where Prince Wade is this afternoon?"
"Yes, I believe that he is holding court with the Knights Moderator. Good to see you again, Coop. I thought that all you did these days was fight for the hell of it!" He reached out and grabbed Coop's hand, pumping it vigorously.
"While I enjoy it, I do it for the good of the country, not for the enjoyment."
"Quite so, quite so. Well, I'd better get on. Best not to keep his highness waiting for these new features." And with that, he hurried off down the corridor.
"How do you know Lord Mike of Pittsburgh?" deckheadtottie looked a little astonished at this revelation.
"He was in the same pub that I was. I didn't know who he was and we got talking. Turns out we share similar ideals." They approached a doorway where two Knights Moderator stood guard.
"Brothers, I have returned, with Coop as promised." As Coop looked at the two guards, he saw NEVR flash a quick smile at him and he nodded a greeting back.
"Coop, you must leave your weapons here. Prince Wade will not see you so armed." life stepped between the doorway and Coop, accepting the helm, shield and sledgehammer.
"So be it."
They entered the room, to see a small throne-like arrangement, flanked on either side of the room by a set of chairs. Most of these were now occupied by the brothers and sisters of the Knights Moderator. Prince Wade sat facing the door, his expression unreadable through his sunglasses and goatee.
"Thank you, deckheadtottie. Please, be seated." Leaving Coop's side for the first time in days, he returned to the chair adjacent to Tigerkitty. Coop felt strangely alone, his green tunic drowned out in a sea of white and yellow. "Coop. We have been watching you for some time now and your activities are well known to us." The door behind Coop slammed shut, secured by NEVR and life and they took their seats. "This is why I have consulted my knights and we have summoned you here. Come closer."
Coop crossed the marble floor towards Prince Wade, painfully aware of every single gaze in the room watching him. He stood at the foot of the steps, leading up to the Prince.
"Kneel before me." Coop slowly dropped to a knee, awaiting his fate.
"We would like you to become one of our order." Coop went from staring at the floor, stoically awaiting his punishment to shock in a short time. He blinked and looked up, without moving from his kneeling position.
"I would be honoured, my Lord." Coop recovered some of his dignity and bowed his head once more. AllReligiousDrunk proffered the sword to the Prince and he took it, lightly anointing Coop on the shoulders.
"Then arise, Sir Coop, of the Knights Moderator." As Sir Coop rose, Sanjay presented a smaller decorative cushion to Prince Wade, who took the token laid on it gently. "Take this Ban Stick, pruned from the tree of NewGrounds and judge fairly. Let us silence those who spam pictures, remove unsolicited links and improve the quality of feedback received by the users throughout the Kingdom." Sir Coop took the stick from Prince Wade and turned to face his comrades of the Knights Moderator. Three cheers rang out, as Coop was accepted into the order.
The knights from all around the room pored over to Coop, wishing him congratulations and a few pieces of advice for the journey ahead. Tigerkitty passed a small bundle to him, wrapped around with a belt marked with the insignia of Newgrounds. Coop placed the Knights Moderator tabard over his head and tied it securely with the belt. He was now one of the brotherhood.
"Welcome, worthy knight." As she placed a kiss upon his cheek, a rumble of thunder stirred Coop from his sleep.
Looking around for any disturbances in the portal, his hands reached inside his pack, pulling out a small tin, full of cotton wool. As he pulled the fluff aside, he saw the Ban Stick was still in tact.
"So, it wasn't a dream..." Packing his things and calling his horse, he placed his helm on his head and mounted. There was something not quite right. Cresting a hill, he found his prey - a Castle Crashers blue knight being raped by a badly drawn pink knight with a fish dick. Drawing his sword, he charged, his swing serving to distract the pink knight from what it was performing. As he wheeled around for another charge, Coop saw some figures buzzing around the scene. He held his mount back for a few seconds and focused on one that was nearby.
"Woot, free Blam points! You deserve to go any die in a fire!" The impish creature trilled, as Coop listened to the sentiments displayed. He felt a tingling sensation in his left hand and he reached out toward the creature. A bolt of crackling blue energy leapt forth from the palm of his hand and pulled the creature towards him.
"This is unjust. You cannot speak to people this way." With that, he closed his hand over the imp and it squeaked mournfully, as it was snuffed out of existence. As he looked back toward the pink knight, it had gone, possibly sent to the same place as that imp that he had destroyed.
"Ah, I see you've gotten the hang of your new powers." The sound was sharp, but unmistakeably Prince Wade's voice coming from within Coop's helm. "We modified your helm, so that you can communicate with any of us. Just think of them and you can discuss things with them if I'm not around."
"Thank you, your highness. My privilege is your burden, I would assume." Wade just chuckled at the idea.
A few days later, Coop found himself riding across the field of strife once more, fighting off the masses, which were in danger of overwhelming him. A group of four of them were swarming around him, attempting to pull him from his mount. A bulky creature took hold of his shield, while another two tried to unsettle his horse. Coop was too savvy for this and his sword slashed at the monstrosity on his left side, which barely flinched. A blend of arms and legs, with a faceless maw reared up on the right hand side and tried to get a grasp of Coop. Having released the reigns of his horse, Coop steered the mare skilfully with his knees and planted an elbow just above the mouth of the fearsome foe. As one of the creatures made a grab for the reigns, Coop planted his foot in its chest and it recoiled, screaming. Working swiftly, he slashed across the maw to his right and he then turned his attention back to the thing trying to eat his shield. This particular beast was loathe to release it and Coop's horse reared, bringing its powerful forelegs down on the head of the second thing attempting to gain control of the mount.
One mighty heave brought the abomination up closer to Coop with it wrapped around the shield. He thrust his blade through the beast's head and after a shrill squeal, it lay still.
Out of sheer frustration, Coop called forth an imp from his empowered gauntlet and crushed it, the magical energies dissipating into the ether. Would these things never end? For now, he hoped not.
Edit - after the long wait, it turns out that I also won 2nd place for my writing skills in the June contest. W00tage.