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You know, I stopped shaving to think of something to write here. That worked out well.

Will Cooper @Coop

36, Male

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Old Skool

Vancouver, CANADA

Joined on 4/28/04

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Coop's News

Posted by Coop - March 23rd, 2010

Firstly, some breaking news:

My story continues!

Back to the scheduled broadcast:

Okay, as no-one here really cares about, I'm approaching the goal of 1,000 Flash Review Responses. Here's the deal, since I want to get there quickly and Fro gave me a great idea of how to get there:

EDIT: I have now reached 1,000 Flash Review Responses, but don't stop giving me links to flash you want reviewing :)

You people all give me one of your flash pieces to review. I review it, using my own charm, wit and (limited) knowledge of the flash program to give you guys tips on how to improve, what I liked, disliked about the piece and yada yada ya.

You see the review, think "Hey, this Coop fella knows his shit about Flash" and write me a response to that review. Simple.

I have 11 responses left as of the time of the news post to make my 1,000th Response. Space is limited, so people need to step up to the plate for this to take effect.

Sorry Bahamut, but if you want the 1,000th Response, you're going to need your 100th flash to come and get it ;)

I won't be reviewing spam submissions. My reviews left for the Adolf Hitler Around the World series has left a sad mark on my previous reviews (and my sanity). Comments with links to Art wouldn't count, but I will still look, while Audio will be discounted, because I'm disenchanted with reviewing countless techno and dance tracks for the Review Request Club. If you post a spam submission link that I feel is beneath a review from me, it will be removed.

I want to review your flash!

Posted by Coop - February 9th, 2010

As the sun set on another evening in the countryside of the low plains, Coop's steed carried him across the open roads, towards the sprawling metropolis of "Bee-Bee Estonia". Not totally independent of the kingdom of Newgrounds, but a fiercely governed part of the country, it was possibly to find a point of view from every angle possible here. Trotting up to the gates, his authority was recognised as a member of the knights moderator and his mount carried him through the gates toward the speaker's corner.

The broad streets were crowded as usual and there was a clamour to hear what was going on with all of the discussions. Coop watched from his vantage point, as he saw a small person scuttle from discussion to discussion attempting to incite hatred within the discussion. Raising his hands toward the offender, Coop spoke the name, looking within his helm, to see where this offender had been before. As he traced back the footsteps of this individual, he watched the ghostly images of the young man, linked up by ethereal cords, binding them together. He pulled one closer that was racist and hateful in nature. Bringing his hand together in a bunched fist, the image shrank away, until the sound that it made could not be heard. The two ends of the ethereal tether joined themselves together and tightened the bond between two images that were previously separated by this phantom.

Coop nudged Dawn Chaser onward through the crowd, seeking out the original perpetrator. As his mount walked up to him, the young man went silent, suddenly shaded by the moderator's presence.

"Do not abhor others, because they are different. They are the same as you. At dawn, the light shall enable you to speak once more." Coop held out his hand towards the individual, whose scream of anguish was cut short and he fell to the floor, wailing in pitiful silence. He dismounted, spotting a nearby market stall and walked over, in search of some sustenance. A skin of water and an apple were the order of the day and Coop stood, talking to the stallholder for a short while.

"A calm day, sir. Could bode badly for those wishing ill of us."

"How so?"

"Well, people's tongues are quite loose around here, sir. You hear things that people might not necessarily want you to hear, but they don't bother to guard so much, as they feel safe in the crowds." Coop smiled and reached into a small pouch, placing a small gold coin on the stall.

"Such as?" The man stared at the coin, not believing it for a short while, before quickly scooping it up and into his wide sleeve.

"I heard that there would be a terrible reckoning. The people of Clocktopia are to invade out shores, seeking space for their hundreds of offspring."

"Such is the case every August. I am well aware of this." Coop smarted for the waste of his coin on idle chit-chat.
"Not in January though! They plan to make their way through the grand portal and overwhelm those who stand against them. StrawberryClock yearns for the crown and he will stop at nothing to get it back to him. This war will be bloody, sir!" Draining his water skin, Coop turned to his mount, swiftly jumping up to her back, gripping the reigns with his left hand, the apple in his right.

"I must away. Fare thee well, good sir and pray that such a force never comes this far." Walking his mount through the crowded streets was long enough for Coop to eat his apple, but he hit the open road with all due haste. The Portal was over a day's ride from here, but Dawn Chaser was more than equal to that task.

All day he rode, with only the stars to light his night, as he slept, before continuing. When they came upon the grounds of the Portal, hope seemed to be fading, as the defenders were outnumbered by a sudden influx of Clocks. Spurring Dawn Chaser on to get him to the fight, he dropped neatly off her back into the middle of the field, allowing her to finally get some respite. As he stood, surveying the field, he heard the Speakonia battle cries of the Clock Crew, as they advanced upon him.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" They cried as only Clocks can, charging in towards the lone warrior. Coop merely dropped his helm over his head and took a grip rolling his fingers slowly around the sword.

The unlucky pawn that was first in line to meet Coop's wrath was a gooseberry. The angry clock face bouncing along as Coop took a half pace forward and flashed his blade across the face of his foe, reducing him to compote rather quicker than GooseberryClock had foreseen. Meticulously, conserving energy, Coop's swings took down wave after wave of the ticking menace. As he looked up, wiping away a mixture of fruit juices and preserves, he spotted his quarry, one solitary Strawberry standing atop the hill, content to sacrifice his minions during this assault.

Purposefully, Coop moved towards isolated defenders, offering his aid to the situation, as his katana sliced through clocks easily, sending them to their deaths. As he approached the gates of the portal, he left behind a trail of destruction - clocks too weak to continue, that would be finished off by the defenders who fought alongside Coop, willing to do their duty to both the Portal and King Tom.

The massed ranks of the clocks, feeling that their defeat was near, started to waver, almost afraid of the deaths that awaited them, regardless of what happened here. Either they would die by Coop's sword, or die by the wrath of their general. Truly, these wretches were worthy of some pity. With this in mind, Coop accepted a few surrenders, granting some of them a token chance to at least remain alive and prove that they had worth in questioning later on. They were dragged away, for investigation at Prince Wade's own pleasure.

Casting his gaze back to the hill, StrawberryClock appeared to know that his forces were beaten. As he turned and bounced beyond the horizon, a cheer went up from the few defenders, as the remaining clocks were either captured or put to death.

"We beat them, sir! They are retreating!" A young police officer declared happily. Coop just removed his helm and cast a glance at the young man, with an interested look on his face.

"Well, for now we have. They will return. StrawberryClock will only give up when he is truly defeated. Perhaps even then, there will be others to take over the Clock Crew and rule in his stead. I've seen a lot of fights in my time and will carry on, until there is no strength left in my body." He picked up a rag off the floor and cleaned his blade, delicately, before re-sheathing it. "Perhaps when you've risen through the ranks of the Police, you'd consider becoming a guardsman? EagleRock could always use more keen individuals like yourself. Perhaps you could speak to Lizzardis, he spends a lot of time at the Police HQ." The young officer saluted smartly and beamed at Coop.

"Thank you sir, I will!" Coop wandered back through the portal gateway and found a quiet spot, where he removed his armour from his chest. As he looked at his left arm, he felt a sharp pain as he reached beneath his tabard, the warm splash of his own blood. Easing the arm out, he felt something sharp lodged in there, near the bicep. He drew his dagger and worked out the shard of glass, probably from one of the variously shaped clocks that now littered the battlefield. Using a piece of his undershirt, he bound his arm tightly and replaced his armour.

"It takes more than that to kill me, Clock." Coop put his fingers to his ear and whistled, waiting for Dawn Chaser to trot over to him. Mounting slower this time, he rode away to seek some answers about the Clock Crew and their incessant attacks. Perhaps there was a way to stop them...

24,000 Blams

Posted by Coop - January 18th, 2010

Hi Guys and Girls,

Yes, as some of you may have noticed, I've gotten a promotion (of sorts). I am now not only a Review Moderator, but a BBS Moderator as well. Now I'm at even greater freedom to "impinge upon your civil liberties". If you fall into this category, you have likely broken the rules, so please pay attention to them, lest I visit you with banstick, once it arrives in the post, or I catch it up.

DAMN YOU, FedEx! *shakes fist*

Right, we've got new tools to play with, I've now spent the most of the weekend learning what these all do, so I'm tooled up and ready to go. I guess I've got to go on a list for more "initiation detail", so that should be fun.

If you wish to try currying favour with me, flattery, flirtation, sexual advances, monetary donations, gifts and other such techniques do not actually work, but if you are willing to give them a try, you'll probably survive if it's gifts or money... or flattery. Bex can get a little peeved if you try flirting or anything sexual, but don't let that stop you. I'm relying on her steel toe-capped boots to be able to do that, should she feel the need :P

Posted by Coop - December 31st, 2009

Yeah, a mission statement, not New Year's Resolutions, or the like, but something that means purpose.

I want to get a few things done over the next year, including:

1) Running half a mile daily. I managed it yesterday morning, but have had breathing difficulties all day since.

2) Be less sarcastic at work. It's not going to happen, I know, but you've got to show faith

3) Save money for a house. I may have just decorated my bedroom, but I want a new house of my own!

4) Get some of my projects finished. Both writing and audio works are outstanding for this year, so we'll see.

So, what are your resolutions?

Happy New Year.

Stats on 1st January 2010 at 00:00 GMT:
Experience - 20,700
Expereince Rank - 155
Base Voting Power - 8.47 Votes
Total Voting Power - 13.56 Votes
Blams - 23,667 (65th)
Saves - 44,341 (13th)
Total B/P - 68,008
B/P Rank - 25
Posts 16,525 (40th)
Flash Reviews 1,547 (31st)
Audio Reviews 890 (18th)

Where was I when it struck midnight? In front of the computer posting this!

Mission Statement 2010

Posted by Coop - October 28th, 2009

Coop sat down by the side of the road, his horse allowed to graze freely for a moment. He removed his helmet and allowed himself a breath of fresh air. This killing would never end, of that he was sure. He pulled an old rag from his pack and wiped some old blood off the once shining helm. A few weeks had passed since some of his friends had been lost to the war. KaynSlamDyke and Dry-Ice were the first to fall to the plague that dulled the senses and slowed reactions. They were now one with the Glorious Dead of the former members of the Knights Moderator.

He considered the reaction that he had heard in the aftermath of those tense days, when hushed voices had called into question the seeming invulnerability of the Prince Wade's chosen men. Some were genuinely grief stricken, while others leaned towards mercenary, deducing that there was now the opportunity for some fresh blooded youngster to make his name. As he worked his way through the layers of grime, slowly reaching a shine that reflected his own chiselled jaw, he wondered how best to honour the memory of those he had fought alongside, who had succumbed while he was left to carry on the fight.

"The times change and some of them grow up, or grow bored. There are always new ones to take their place, I'm afraid. You know that as well as I." Without his head in the helm, the sound was tinny, as if the Prince had his bead in a large metal bucket.

"True. We still fight though, even as the odds are perceived to shift against us." Buffing the helm to a shine, Coop put it down on the rock next to him and picked up his shield, working an arrow loose and starting to file down the puncture wound.

"The fight is long, but we will prevail. People look up to you, as well as the individuals who shun you. Lead by example and restore the shaken faith. You know that you can, as well as your brethren." Dissatisfied with the blemish on the shield, Coop fumbled around in his pack and produced an Angry Faic sticker, which was hastily stuck over the mark.

"Perhaps people do not see you as such a force at the moment. Your sword is still a very good weapon. Show me." Coop put the shield aside and drew his massive zweihander. He held it as if presenting to someone in front of him, when it levitated an inch or so above his hands. "Yes... I think this should do it." An unfamiliar feeling object replaced the zweihander in Coop's hands. As he looked up, he was greeted with a sleek black flail.

"Are you asking me to embrace the dark side, highness?" Coop clutched the flail in his right hand and stood once more.

"No, I just felt that you could use a better weapon. After all, there are a few of the Knights Moderator around with them now, I just thought I'd tidy things up. Now, go and right a few wrongs." Coop stood there for a moment, looking at the flail and smiled. Slowly, he raised the helm back over his head and slid it into place. Securing his shield on his left arm, he clicked his teeth and obediently, his horse trotted over.

In a well practised move, Coop put his left boot in the stirrup and stepped neatly around into the saddle. Looking from the edge of the forest, he saw a fight in progress in the valley. There looked to be more than the usual few people within this one, so he decided to investigate. As the clouds parted, summoning forth a shaft of sunlight, Coop dug his heels into his mare's sides and she reared up onto her hind legs. With Coop standing in the stirrups, his flail held aloft and the reigns in his left hand, he bellowed a challenge to those defiant of him. "Onward Dawn Chaser! Let us ride and show those that there is still a sense of justice in the kingdom of Newgrounds!" Dawn chaser broke into a gallop and the pair of them started to descend the hill path towards the conflict.

Dawn Chaser's hooves kicked up piles of debris and spread them across the dirt track as she descended towards the field. A small field of imps were beginning to crowd around a mutated beast of a creation that lumbered slowly around, attempting to lash out viciously at anyone brave or foolhardy enough to get too close. Being the former, Coop crouched himself low in the saddle and started waving his flail around in a circular motion to his right hand side. "Get me close enough, girl. I'll see what this gift from the prince is capable of." Buoyed by her master's confidence and gumption, she sped towards the beast.

Aware of the threat posed by the fast approaching knight, the beast reared up to its full height in an attempt to spook the horse, but Dawn Chaser was almost as seasoned as Coop in manoeuvres like this. As the creature started to bring down a rock like fist, Dawn Chaser changed direction and moved to the creature's right hand side, allowing Coop to bury the head of the flail in the creature's exposed flank. The blackened head passed into the flesh with a sickening squelch, before being ripped clean from the foe. Angered by this, the beast turned towards Coop and bellowed a challenge, exposing rows of razor sharp teeth, coupled with murderous intent.

Dawn Chaser turned to face the beast and Coop started to swing the flail once more, building up a head of steam. Assessing its chances as slim to none, the creature spotted a young man lying next to a broken pitch fork and slowly lumbered off in that direction. Coop's breathing quickened momentarily, as he worked out what the beast was trying to accomplish. Dawn Chaser began a charge between the peasant and the creature, while Coop stopped swinging his flail and slipped his feet out of the stirrups and moved to a side saddle position. "Take me to the boy!" He yelled, knowing that Dawn Chaser would deliver as she always did.

As the two combatants converged on the injured farmer, Coop dived off his mount, sliding to a stop in front of the prone farm hand, bringing his shield up in front of a clawed hand, where it punched a few small holes. Suddenly, the knight was between the beast and what it appeared to be considering for lunch. Lacking the room to get a full swing in, Coop still managed to bury the head of the flail in his foe once more.

Taking a tight grip on the shield, the creature hauled it to one side, hurling Coop with it. Hardly having time to brace himself, Coop rolled with the force of the throw and got back to his feet, casting aside his battered shield. He could not allow this beast to end the life of someone that he was sworn to protect. He broke into a run and, seeing the opportunity unfold for him, he ran straight up the long, thick tail that the creature appeared to use for balance. Summoning up the last reserves of his strength, he brought the flail down between the creature's head and shoulders, heading a metallic sounding clang, as if the beast was made of metal. As he looked down, towards where the farmer lay, he was very surprised to see that the man knelt in front of the beast, holding the remnants of the pitchfork like a pike.

Coop stumbled as the creature collapsed, causing the knight to land without grace in a heap next to his fallen conquest. He hauled himself to his feet and looked at the kneeling man, who was clutching his ribs, where the beast looked likely to have struck him.

"Young man, you have a good strong arm and a very impressive eye. Are you hurt?" Coop walked over, calling for Dawn Chaser, as he did. When she obediently trotted over, he pulled out a wineskin and a few medical supplies, to treat the civilian.

"Only a little, my lord. Nothing that will not heal though, I'm sure. You have my thanks - I could not have killed it on my own." Coop took off his helmet and started to look over the young man

"I'm happy to be of service. Oh... and I'm no Lord - Sir Coop will suffice."

"Very well, Sir Coop. What brings you to my farm?" The young man was helped to his feet and into a comfortable position atop the saddle. Soon afterwards, Coop returned to his horse's side, complete with his battered shield, now sporting three neat puncture marks and three rather ugly looking scratches down the face. Clearly, it had seen better days.

"Well, passing by and seeing something like that on your farm, I wouldn't like to wager what damage it could have wreaked. I did not even see you until after I had already engaged it."

"I should not have fought it - it was stupid, I could have lost my life for nothing." The young man seemed crestfallen as he declared this. Coop turned to him, shaking his head mournfully.

"It is a calculated risk. As a fighter against things like that, you take your life in your hands, but you do so for the right reasons." He dropped back and pulled out a blank silver brooch, which he handed to the farmer. "Look at this - this is you now. The men watched as it projected an image stating "Civillian - Blams 0; Saves 0." Coop prodded the brooch and the Blams and Saves counters both moved up to 1. "You have done something highly honourable today. Wear the badge with pride." The two men moved in towards the farm house and Coop helped the man down from the horse.

"And what of you, sir knight?" Coop walked back to his saddlebags and removed his cloak from the bag - a very similar looking silver brooch acted as a clasp there and Coop showed it to the farmer. "Supreme Commander - Blams 23,000; Saves 41,976." The farmer nodded impressively "It looks like I've got a way to go to catch you then, sir."

"A little, but I've got a bit of a head start over you." If you want to change your career, or make this more than just a casual defence occupation, head to town and speak to the blacksmiths - they tend to know a lot about it.

"Thank you once again sir. Will you not stop and rest a while?" Coop shook his head and replaced his helm.

"I have a duty to the people and King of Newgrounds. Perhaps I will have time when I retire... If I ever retire, that is." And with that, he mounted and trotted off down the track, unsure of where it would lead.

Posted by Coop - August 10th, 2009

Friday 7th August
Booking, random shopping and car cleaning / loading aside, Bex and I piled the car high with the supplies we needed and made for the motorway. The going was reasonably good and the only main complaint I could think of (there had to be one!) was that my choice of clothing could have been a little more summery and comfortable. The room was passable, though all of you Bill Bailey fans out there will be dismayed to note that there was a distinct lack of Trouser Press :(

After a brief fight over who would get which side of the bed and sorting out internet connection, we made our way into the centre of London. Future notes were made that we need to get a hell of a lot closer to the meetup than Borehamwood. 40 minutes in, 90 minutes out is a little long to stand up if the train is packed...

Eventually, we found the White Swan & Cuckoo and made our way in to be greeted by Londoners, none of whom were wearing NG T-Shirts. While slightly worried, we ordered drinks and texted Luis, who said that he would be there in 2 minutes. Fortunately, his exact time of arrival was soon forgotten as Dave (Shalashaska-1), Keith (KaynSlamdyke), Harry (Kirk-Cocaine) and Kez (TheHappySheep) amongst others, whose names or presences I have sadly forgotten. Apologies, guys and girl. One notable absentee was Leo (BananaBreadMuffin), as he was still acquainting himself with beer at the festival. Please feel free to mock him, I don't mind.

A special mention to resident Swede of the London Meet V (January had Andersson, after all), Rucklo, as he was very welcome and also the biggest guy at the meet. Bex later admitted that she liked his arms, so I'll have to hit the weights, I suppose.

Some incredible, some memorable and some downright laughable performances on the Karaoke ensued, with Luis declaring "Get this man a drink" a few times after competitors stepped down from the rostrum. Alas, these evenings just fly by when you are enjoying yourself and all too soon, we made our excuses and left. It was a reasonable half midnight by the time we got back to Borehamwood, so sleep followed soon afterwards.

Saturday 8th August
All you can eat breakfast. Such is the way of the Travelodge, that I ended up eating as much food as possible, to maximise my gains on this wonderful offer (I'm not getting commission from Travelodge, honest!) Anyway, after that great start to the day, we bussed / trained / tubed our way to Charring Cross and then took a leisurely stroll along Whitehall towards Westminster Bridge. Next time we come, we will make more time to do the touristy stuff. Stopping only for Ice Cream on Westminster Bridge, we made our way to the Eye and the masses that were gathering there.

After Dave and Luis eventually managed to get people to stand on the edge of Jubilee Gardens, we had numerous photographs taken. Some serious, some not so serious. We weren't particularly fussed, as it was damned warm out, so we headed for the Namco and the glory of the Air Con that went with it. Most of the gang made a beeline straight for the Guitar Hero machine, that Keith spent some time issuing ritualistic beatings to most comers on. Harry wasn't having any of that and eventually challenged Keith for an ultimate battle.

Shooting, air hockey, biking, bowling, dodgems - this place has a lot of fun and games. Looking up at the dismal cricket score, I resolved to play my heart out and promptly got a crisp £20 note changed into coinage for my gaming pleasure. Having said that, I didn't ignore people completely - I did have a chance to catch up with Cally, James (liljim) and the finally arrived Leo. I was accused of hustling on the bowling alley, as the first ball I bowled went for a strike and then the game went downhill for me. Cally kept things interesting, with the air ball and fun was the net result.

Conversations turned to voice acting over my burger, butting rudely into a conversation between Bex and Bezman, whose facial hair was looking much better than January, I must say. Apparently, I might be getting a few calls in the near future, so if you guys need me, hook me up with a PM, I work for peanuts and the enjoyment of the thing :)

Sustenance and conversations achieved, we packed up and headed for Hyde Park, which was a few stops away on the tube. Harry had some of the most amazing "Tube Hair" that I ever saw, with his dark mane flowing straight back over his face, which proved amusing for all in our carriage. Three independent groups of Newgrounders eventually found their way there and a football mirraculously appeared from somewhere, where a kick about was started up. Dean (EviLDoG) showed off his skills with his Dennis the Menace tie and certainly didn't disappoint.

When a few couples cleared the way for our raucous tomfoolery, we set up some goalposts and "lucky number 6" was the first pick of what would become team moderator, with Harry selecting both myself and Leo to his side. The game was on!

Some bright spark had set the goal up so that any bullet shot from 6 yards would be straight into the lazier / less sporting of the meet, so I reolutely stayed in defence for most of the first half, much to Leo's amusement - I'd like to see you belt a screaming shot at your girlfriend and get away with it, mate :P

Some amazingly frantic football followed, mostly dictated by Dean and Dave, opposing Harry and Paul. I got involved a bit and was really starting to flag by the time that we called it time and the group split into those wanting to freshen up, those after a quick drink and those like myself and Bex, who just needed to go home and collapse. 2 days down and what an amazing meet it had been so far.

Sunday 9th August
"We'll meet up for dinner and go for a few drinks" was Luis' decision for Sunday, so that left the pair of us with the day to ourselves. Tourism beckoned, so we hit the partially closed tube and headed for the Natural History Museum, where there is so much to take in that we would need weeks to describe it. The highlight for me was a cross section of the famous Sequoia, which was about 4ft thick and easily 40' in diameter. Looking at crystals and finely carved jewels had Bex in here element, so we stopped for a while. After being told by Luis that the gang was in Oxford street, we headed out, but not before a trip through the butterfly garden, which was certainly a relief to get out of, with the now refreshing summer sunshine of London actually feeling cool.

A quick route march across Central London was in order and walking 2 miles just to catch up with the group was fun in itself, let alone fighting through the human traffic that was walking against us. Still, we caught up with the group, just as they were leaving the meetup spot and Leo was making his way home. Another group breakup ensued, with the sheep of the group following each otehr in some sort of order (I presume) toward Leicester Square, where we met up with Tom and Dim, the Super Flash Brothers, neither or whom knew who I was. Bezman pulled out and unusual deck of cards and asked "Does anyone fancy a game of Jungle Speed, which he described as "Snap, but psychotic". It certainly proved to be that and we got so lost in the game that sadly Dim's bag was taken from outside the circle. A search ensued, but nothing followed. A quick whip-around was taken care of in the pub later and Dim thanked us all, but refused to take the money.

Did someone say Pub? Yes, we walked off down from Leicester Square and into the Slug & Lettuce, where beverages were consumed. Down to my last few pennies, I purchased a pitcher of pimms and distributed the fruity concoction to the masses. I think that it would have been nice to see Rucklo drink this stuff, as that's the best thing I can think of to welcome someone to the UK with. Perhaps next time - he seemed to enjoy the meet so much that I suspect he will return.

Dog tired and legs aching from all of the walking, we headed back across London to the hotel once more.

Monday 10th August
After a near heart attack inducing moment of fear - arriving back at the hotel and finding out door wide open, but nothing stolen, we needed a good night's sleep. We got the first seven hours of it with no trouble, but then someone started digging the road up outside the room at about 8am, so I was awake. Checking Newgrounds for the results of last night's drinking, I found a lovely picture of Rucklo sleeping it off on a sofa with only the Newgrounds Flag to keep him warm. I'll look for more photographs and will sort some out over the next few days, I promise

Another hearty breakfast and we hit the road. The sat nav decided that it was going to lose signal in the most awkward of places and a few patches of heavy rain made for bad driving conditions - this was made worse by a VW Golf driver who passed me in the fourth lane, then dived across all four lanes to hit the exit within about a 1/4 mile :$

Despite the roadworks that plagued my return home, we made reasonable time and I was pleased to be able to fall in through the front door, before attempting to settle back into life as normal.

Well, it's been quite an experience, both meeting old friends and new ones. I've been glad to see you all and Bex has said that she enjoyed the experience so much, that she'll probably come back next year. As for me, most definitely.

Now all I've got to do is sift through the photos and in the fullness of time wait for Luis to update the Hub page.

Thanks to everyone who turned up, I'm glad that you all enjoyed it and I hope that next year's will be even better.

Posted by Coop - August 3rd, 2009

Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin.

The battlefield once more was strewn with the corpses of the slain and as always, the familiar figure of Coop stood there, calmly wiping the blood of the fallen from his weapon. As he looked toward the horizon, wondering where his journey would take him next, he heard a cry

"COOOOOOOOOOP!" Bellowed a man from behind him. As Coop turned to look, he caught sight of a man astride a horse, who came charging in down the hillside. Preparing himself for an ambush, the character came into view and Coop realised that this man wore Moderator Gold. Lifting the visor of his helm, deckheadtottie cantered up to Coop, an impassive look on his face.

"My friend, it is time. We must ride, as your presence is requested." Coop shrugged and whistled, as his chestnut mare trotted across the field to where they stood. Silently, he mounted up and delivered his measured response to his old friend.

"Where do we ride to?" He showed no emotion for the lives that he had just taken and fell into step alongside deckheadtottie.

"Two days East of here, you are summoned before the court. No more I know."

"Am I under arrest? Is that what this is about? I must be breaking you heart." Deckheadtottie remained impassive towards Coop. They rode for two days, stopping only for rest and the occasional skirmish that festered in the portal's chaotic landscape. At dawn on the third morning, Coop and deckheadtottie mounted up and rode towards a grand castle, adorned with the tank. This was where the king lived - the mighty TomFulp and his courtesans. As we approached the gate, two figures blocked our way, their broad arms using pikes to block our passage into the sanctuary.

"Halt, this knight does not have privileges to enter." Malachy stood there, steely gaze set into the mid distance.

"I have clearance from Prince WadeFulp. He has requested the knight's presence personally." Deckheadtottie flourished a scroll, which Malachy duly read it and sneered over the top at them.

"The condemned may pass. Take him from my sight." Both he and Kirk-Cocaine relaxed their guard and allowed both of the riders into the courtyard. They dismounted and handed their mounts to servants, who stabled them. Following deckheadtottie's lead, they walked into the banquet hall, where the king held his court. A well dressed man was walking down the corridor and he stopped to talk to the pair of them.

"Gentlemen. Lovely day for it, don't you think?"

"Indeed, my lord!" deckheadtottie bowed smartly and Coop hurriedly followed suit "Would you happen to know where Prince Wade is this afternoon?"

"Yes, I believe that he is holding court with the Knights Moderator. Good to see you again, Coop. I thought that all you did these days was fight for the hell of it!" He reached out and grabbed Coop's hand, pumping it vigorously.

"While I enjoy it, I do it for the good of the country, not for the enjoyment."

"Quite so, quite so. Well, I'd better get on. Best not to keep his highness waiting for these new features." And with that, he hurried off down the corridor.

"How do you know Lord Mike of Pittsburgh?" deckheadtottie looked a little astonished at this revelation.

"He was in the same pub that I was. I didn't know who he was and we got talking. Turns out we share similar ideals." They approached a doorway where two Knights Moderator stood guard.

"Brothers, I have returned, with Coop as promised." As Coop looked at the two guards, he saw NEVR flash a quick smile at him and he nodded a greeting back.

"Coop, you must leave your weapons here. Prince Wade will not see you so armed." life stepped between the doorway and Coop, accepting the helm, shield and sledgehammer.

"So be it."

They entered the room, to see a small throne-like arrangement, flanked on either side of the room by a set of chairs. Most of these were now occupied by the brothers and sisters of the Knights Moderator. Prince Wade sat facing the door, his expression unreadable through his sunglasses and goatee.

"Thank you, deckheadtottie. Please, be seated." Leaving Coop's side for the first time in days, he returned to the chair adjacent to Tigerkitty. Coop felt strangely alone, his green tunic drowned out in a sea of white and yellow. "Coop. We have been watching you for some time now and your activities are well known to us." The door behind Coop slammed shut, secured by NEVR and life and they took their seats. "This is why I have consulted my knights and we have summoned you here. Come closer."

Coop crossed the marble floor towards Prince Wade, painfully aware of every single gaze in the room watching him. He stood at the foot of the steps, leading up to the Prince.

"Kneel before me." Coop slowly dropped to a knee, awaiting his fate.

"We would like you to become one of our order." Coop went from staring at the floor, stoically awaiting his punishment to shock in a short time. He blinked and looked up, without moving from his kneeling position.

"I would be honoured, my Lord." Coop recovered some of his dignity and bowed his head once more. AllReligiousDrunk proffered the sword to the Prince and he took it, lightly anointing Coop on the shoulders.

"Then arise, Sir Coop, of the Knights Moderator." As Sir Coop rose, Sanjay presented a smaller decorative cushion to Prince Wade, who took the token laid on it gently. "Take this Ban Stick, pruned from the tree of NewGrounds and judge fairly. Let us silence those who spam pictures, remove unsolicited links and improve the quality of feedback received by the users throughout the Kingdom." Sir Coop took the stick from Prince Wade and turned to face his comrades of the Knights Moderator. Three cheers rang out, as Coop was accepted into the order.

The knights from all around the room pored over to Coop, wishing him congratulations and a few pieces of advice for the journey ahead. Tigerkitty passed a small bundle to him, wrapped around with a belt marked with the insignia of Newgrounds. Coop placed the Knights Moderator tabard over his head and tied it securely with the belt. He was now one of the brotherhood.

"Welcome, worthy knight." As she placed a kiss upon his cheek, a rumble of thunder stirred Coop from his sleep.

Looking around for any disturbances in the portal, his hands reached inside his pack, pulling out a small tin, full of cotton wool. As he pulled the fluff aside, he saw the Ban Stick was still in tact.

"So, it wasn't a dream..." Packing his things and calling his horse, he placed his helm on his head and mounted. There was something not quite right. Cresting a hill, he found his prey - a Castle Crashers blue knight being raped by a badly drawn pink knight with a fish dick. Drawing his sword, he charged, his swing serving to distract the pink knight from what it was performing. As he wheeled around for another charge, Coop saw some figures buzzing around the scene. He held his mount back for a few seconds and focused on one that was nearby.

"Woot, free Blam points! You deserve to go any die in a fire!" The impish creature trilled, as Coop listened to the sentiments displayed. He felt a tingling sensation in his left hand and he reached out toward the creature. A bolt of crackling blue energy leapt forth from the palm of his hand and pulled the creature towards him.

"This is unjust. You cannot speak to people this way." With that, he closed his hand over the imp and it squeaked mournfully, as it was snuffed out of existence. As he looked back toward the pink knight, it had gone, possibly sent to the same place as that imp that he had destroyed.

"Ah, I see you've gotten the hang of your new powers." The sound was sharp, but unmistakeably Prince Wade's voice coming from within Coop's helm. "We modified your helm, so that you can communicate with any of us. Just think of them and you can discuss things with them if I'm not around."

"Thank you, your highness. My privilege is your burden, I would assume." Wade just chuckled at the idea.

A few days later, Coop found himself riding across the field of strife once more, fighting off the masses, which were in danger of overwhelming him. A group of four of them were swarming around him, attempting to pull him from his mount. A bulky creature took hold of his shield, while another two tried to unsettle his horse. Coop was too savvy for this and his sword slashed at the monstrosity on his left side, which barely flinched. A blend of arms and legs, with a faceless maw reared up on the right hand side and tried to get a grasp of Coop. Having released the reigns of his horse, Coop steered the mare skilfully with his knees and planted an elbow just above the mouth of the fearsome foe. As one of the creatures made a grab for the reigns, Coop planted his foot in its chest and it recoiled, screaming. Working swiftly, he slashed across the maw to his right and he then turned his attention back to the thing trying to eat his shield. This particular beast was loathe to release it and Coop's horse reared, bringing its powerful forelegs down on the head of the second thing attempting to gain control of the mount.

One mighty heave brought the abomination up closer to Coop with it wrapped around the shield. He thrust his blade through the beast's head and after a shrill squeal, it lay still.

Out of sheer frustration, Coop called forth an imp from his empowered gauntlet and crushed it, the magical energies dissipating into the ether. Would these things never end? For now, he hoped not.

22,000 Blams

Edit - after the long wait, it turns out that I also won 2nd place for my writing skills in the June contest. W00tage.

Posted by Coop - May 13th, 2009

Back in January this year, I started getting together with a few friends on a Monday evening to socialise and play a few games. One such game was Werewolf, the Forsaken from White Wolf Game Studios.

Now that we've played this for roughly four months, we've gotten our gaming to a stop point and have switched games. At this point, I had made quite a few notes and in order not only to remember Gareth, my character, I decided to turn it into a story.

And so, the fan fiction was born: Into the Darkness

Have a look, see what you think and tell me if you could understand what on earth I was rambling about.

Now, I'd like to thank my friends Gilly and Simon for allowing us into their home to wreak havoc with the game of Werewolf, since January 2009. It was Gilly's idea in the first place, so it's partially her fault :P Thanks again to Gilly, for coming up with such a plot that has inspired me to create Gareth and actually do something more than just role play this time. To Simon, Becky and Andrea, for providing more than your fair share of input into the situations, so that I can see just what needed to be done to make my actions fit how I felt they should. My only hope is that my poetic licence still makes this memorable to you four, as you were there from the start.

So what are you waiting for? Sit down, grab a brew and step into the World of Darkness

EDIT: Chapter 1 submitted 25th March 2010

Posted by Coop - April 28th, 2009

This time last year, I was getting ready to go on Holiday. This year, I'm getting myself ready to sell my best friend off into slavery... I mean marriage. Now that I've got a Newgrounds account that's 5 years old, I want to see what's what with my stats, a la gfoxcook :P

2009 Target: 18,230
Current: 18,230

Surprise surprise, no deposits missed. Let's add another 3,650 to the total for next year's target, making a nice total of 21,880 for this time next year.

Experience Rank
2009 Target: Top 200
Current: 187

Well, looking at Bahamut's list, I'm quite capable of getting to the top 150 this time around. I think a challenge would be gunning for the top 130, so let's give it a shot.

2009 Target: Level 41
Current: Level 41

By the standards of the predictable achievements, this is another one, so let's gun for Level 45

2009 Target: 20,000
Current: 20,716

I've managed to pick the pace up nicely this year, so let's go for 25k and see where we end up in a year's time

2009 Target: 32,000
Current: 35,570

Clock Day made a big difference to the massiveness of the gap. Let me think about this, as I put down 13k last year. Let's strive to add more to this and reach 50,000 Saves. I think 49k was about the limit, but I love to push higher, especially for big numbers like that! Hindsight makes me thing I'll be closer to 49k, but that's a trifle defeatist.

Total B/P
2009 Target: 54,000
Current: 56,286

Hmm... Well, considering that I managed to reach the targets set for last year, let's stick with the revised targets for this year and throw caution to the wind: 75,000 B/P is the target. That's going to make me sweat.

B/P Rank
2009 Target: Top 40
Current: 38

Thanks to Bahamut again for this, I can check where things could shake out for 1 year's time, including passing iscrulz for B/P (:P) Do I dare to dream of the top 20?! No, I'll hedge my bets and head for the top 25 this time, though I'm confident that I can get further up than that.

2009 Target: 15,000
Current: 14,385

Okay, I haven't had that much joy this year in the posting department, though given that I'm making strides at the moment, things might be looking up. 17,000 Is the target for this time next year, which is modest, but I've not made a spam goal in 2 years :P

Flash Reviews
2009 Target: 1,500
Current: 1,258

Well, a late spurt didn't really stand any chance of bringing me back into contention for the review totals. However, let's employ a new strategy, that's called "I'm a review mod and I'm going to lead by example". I'm going to try and put down 400 Flash reviews this year and gun for the total of 1,650 over the next year.

Flash Review Responses
2009 Target: 1,000
Current: 745

Okay, I can see if I can get up closer to the 1k, but revising the target down to 900 is my decision - I'm not reviewing that much at the moment, like I said. We'll see.

Audio Reviews
2009 Target: 600
Current: 544

I've stopped reviewing audio, but I might come back to it at some point. Perhaps the target will be set at 600 for the year, see how things pan out.

Posted by Coop - April 26th, 2009

Well, today's my first match of my 5th season with Cookley Cricket Club, my local village side. I'm meeting up with the team and travelling to Spring Hill.

Training so far this year has been good and I'm confident going into the first match. Perhaps I'll be able to come back with a bigger smile on my face than the bruises that I'll inevitably get over the coming year.