Needs to loop better
It was a good sounding track that would be great, until you hit the loop. This is a part of the track that catches a lot of authors out, so more work would be necessary to take it to the next level. Your enthusiasm is good and I feel that you can work this out nicely. Perhaps don't begin with a massive cymbal strike?
I'd have suggested using more projective instruments, as everything that you're using here seems quite deep. Perhaps taking that approach of bringing in something lighter will bring the tune forward, rather than having it 'skulk in the shadows'
[Review Request Club]