Moody
Looks like everyone in this image has a problem with the artist / viewer, except for the kid on the far right of shot - he looks quite apathetic. You've worked well with the faces, but the expressions that they have there isn't really very different from one another. Perhaps have a little more wide ranging there, just for the practice.
With how it all pans out as a wider piece, you've got a good sky, but it could use being darker and more menacing, to let the lightning show up against the backdrop. Perhaps your scanner didn't pick this out too well?
Finally, when I look at the setup of the characters, the middle rank are too close together - they get too obstructed by the central figure's shoulders. Try pushing them wider and see what the results are. More cleavage for a start ;) Isn't that one of the major focuses of Manga style artwork?
I think you need some colour on this - inks would be my best bet to get the best results from this piece, but they do take a lot of practice, so you will need to spend a lot of time, before you move to this image. It's worth it though, as the payoff is usually pretty grand.
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