Okay, so I didn't know whether to use the bruised or the sleepy emoticon. I'm not all that fussed at the moment, because I've been overwhelmed by a wave of apathy for the past few days. Still, got to carry on, haven't we?
Right, the story starts on Sunday, when my mum practically begged me to attend my brother's wedding, as my cousin had no-one to go with. Being a sucker for a damsel in distress, I agreed, mostly because mum was really upset by having to ask me. She has known for years that my brother and I don't see eye to eye (something to do with him being 6'5 and me being only 6', no doubt) and that the only way on earth I was planning to attend the wedding was if I'd managed to acquire a girlfriend in time, since she'd be there for me.
The time was booked off work with no trouble, I was ready as I would ever be, so I went to play cricket. After sustaining serious bruising to my left instep, which left me incapable of walking on Sunday and produced a limp for the wedding, I was not in the best frame of mind.
As one of my cousins pointed out later in the day, I had the best looking date. It wasn't difficult, as most of the bride's family were loud mouthed heffers, who seemed more bothered about getting their breasts into the wedding photos than their faces. Time and place, girls - this was neither.
After going through the happy clappy ceremony, with lots of standing and sitting, causing discomfort, we finally got out of the church. This did not make things any better, as the sun was high in the sky. What a stupid time to have a service, when you'll come out of church at noon in the middile of July. Granted, the weather for the past 4 weeks has been awful, but now it was a fucking oven. Being threatened by various people that they will drag me over to the wedding photos by my tie if necessary did nothing to help my mood. I plugged in my iPod and turned up the volume on a little Metallica (very calming music, I find)
The call came up from the Best Man "Groom's Brother!" and everyone started waving at me. I stood there impassively, waving him away. Pushed and shoved to the front of the pack, I clung to one thing that for a split second saved me and allowed my petulance to shine straight through. "He won't come" says my mum, when I'm standing all of 20 feet from the scene of the crime. I turned and walked off, with as much dignity as a man with a limp can.
Yes, for a few seconds, I felt rage, bitterness and twisted feelings of hatred towards everyone there for making a scene. I found a large tree to stand beneath, grateful for the cool breeze and the chance for my brain to get a hold of the situation. I have too much pride to apologise to my brother, or the baby machine that he's married, (if they have any more, they need not worry about me ever again, I think I'll be in prison for a long while :P) but I felt awful for letting my mum down.
Still, rage being what it is, I probably would have walked home, had my foot been alright, so I guess I was shackled by the cricket.
Texts to friends for support later, I get a stony look from mum as she approached the car. I get in, along with her, dad and mum's best friend, who was also present. We headed back to the town centre, to a "lovely little restaurant" that I have been aware of for many years, but had never had the (dis)pleasure of being inside. With broken air conditioning, it must have been 10 degrees warmer in there than outside. Trying my best not to fall asleep, I drank sparingly and tried not to scowl too much. Fortunately, the bride had chosen to sit me with my back to her, so at least I could keep my lunch down... when it finally arrived. 6 tables of guests, 68 guests (or thereabouts) and 2.5 hours to serve / eat a three course meal. I was tempted to get up and walk to McDonalds, because it would have been quicker.
Speech time came and I thought the damned thing was never going to end. The bride's father kept his mercifully short, before handing over to Phil, who proceeded to read out a list of bullet points as his speech. The quiet one in the family, apparently. Give him a soap box and now we all wish that he'd just shut up. When he finally shut up, our cousin stood to deliver his speech. Effective, funny, well delivered - thanks. Then we prepared to leave, but had to stand around waiting for a lot longer, as no-one seemed inclined to move in this heat. I was at the end of my tether and ready to start cracking skulls, as the table next to us had some of the worst parenting I have ever seen on display. However, cracking the parent's skulls doesn't set a good example to the kids, so I refrained.
Stood around in the car park for 10-15 minutes waiting for everyone to pile out and then having to find the dummy for my nephew, who was coming back. My quip was remarkably close to the location, having stated that "his father's in the reception, where we left him!" The dummy was in his pocket, despite the fact that I'd asked if we had this particular item in the equipment, when we left. Tie gone, jacket to follow, we then had to chase down my cousin, to give her a birthday present for her three year old, as he turned 3 on the 24th of July. She had failed to escape the town, let alone make it to the motorway and have a break to Cornwall, so all was well there.
Respite was glorious. A change of clothes out of the suit, half tempted to jump in the shower, but settling for a cup of tea and a slob about in a pair of shorts was easier. I was tempted to call it quits there, but felt obliged to attend the evening do. Why, I do not know. It just happened. Of course, this morning, I wish I had not gone, the day was already a fucking farce, why not try to salvage some time for me, so that I can get away from all of this? Oh, that might be it, I've not spoken to the bride or groom so far. As I type this, I have still heard nothing from either of them, ungrateful fucks. "Oh, but she has a bad back." Stated my mum, as we drove home, at about 10. "So? Her husband is not joined to her at the hip and both of them have my mobile number. They thanked everyone else in the speech, I was getting towards actually expecting one myself!"
The single worst part of the evening was when my cousin (the best man, not my date) started coming on to me. He was being really agressive about it and no, I'm not doing it in a sexual way, when men get to see my dick. It's a necessary evil that comes from getting changed in a communal changing room.
I'm still in a mood this morning and I hope it passes. Not sure it will, when I consider how much of a pain both my brother and his other half have been since we've known her to be honest. I won't be inviting them to my wedding, that's for sure.
In fact, strike that. There is one woman on the face of the planet, who can change my mind about all of this. She is the girl that I will marry and yes, I would make a sacrifice for her. After all, if I'm willing to pledge myself to her for the rest of my days, then she is worth bearing a little burden for.
I just hope that I find her soon.
KrisKrosNL
Superb writing skills. Good luck on finding.
Coop
Well, I'm just reporting on what I've seen with my own two eyes. Perhaps I should turn it into a book. It might sell a copy or two.