Wedding Aftermath

2012-07-25 05:02:40 by Coop

Okay, so I didn't know whether to use the bruised or the sleepy emoticon. I'm not all that fussed at the moment, because I've been overwhelmed by a wave of apathy for the past few days. Still, got to carry on, haven't we?

Right, the story starts on Sunday, when my mum practically begged me to attend my brother's wedding, as my cousin had no-one to go with. Being a sucker for a damsel in distress, I agreed, mostly because mum was really upset by having to ask me. She has known for years that my brother and I don't see eye to eye (something to do with him being 6'5 and me being only 6', no doubt) and that the only way on earth I was planning to attend the wedding was if I'd managed to acquire a girlfriend in time, since she'd be there for me.

The time was booked off work with no trouble, I was ready as I would ever be, so I went to play cricket. After sustaining serious bruising to my left instep, which left me incapable of walking on Sunday and produced a limp for the wedding, I was not in the best frame of mind.

As one of my cousins pointed out later in the day, I had the best looking date. It wasn't difficult, as most of the bride's family were loud mouthed heffers, who seemed more bothered about getting their breasts into the wedding photos than their faces. Time and place, girls - this was neither.

After going through the happy clappy ceremony, with lots of standing and sitting, causing discomfort, we finally got out of the church. This did not make things any better, as the sun was high in the sky. What a stupid time to have a service, when you'll come out of church at noon in the middile of July. Granted, the weather for the past 4 weeks has been awful, but now it was a fucking oven. Being threatened by various people that they will drag me over to the wedding photos by my tie if necessary did nothing to help my mood. I plugged in my iPod and turned up the volume on a little Metallica (very calming music, I find)

The call came up from the Best Man "Groom's Brother!" and everyone started waving at me. I stood there impassively, waving him away. Pushed and shoved to the front of the pack, I clung to one thing that for a split second saved me and allowed my petulance to shine straight through. "He won't come" says my mum, when I'm standing all of 20 feet from the scene of the crime. I turned and walked off, with as much dignity as a man with a limp can.

Yes, for a few seconds, I felt rage, bitterness and twisted feelings of hatred towards everyone there for making a scene. I found a large tree to stand beneath, grateful for the cool breeze and the chance for my brain to get a hold of the situation. I have too much pride to apologise to my brother, or the baby machine that he's married, (if they have any more, they need not worry about me ever again, I think I'll be in prison for a long while :P) but I felt awful for letting my mum down.

Still, rage being what it is, I probably would have walked home, had my foot been alright, so I guess I was shackled by the cricket.

Texts to friends for support later, I get a stony look from mum as she approached the car. I get in, along with her, dad and mum's best friend, who was also present. We headed back to the town centre, to a "lovely little restaurant" that I have been aware of for many years, but had never had the (dis)pleasure of being inside. With broken air conditioning, it must have been 10 degrees warmer in there than outside. Trying my best not to fall asleep, I drank sparingly and tried not to scowl too much. Fortunately, the bride had chosen to sit me with my back to her, so at least I could keep my lunch down... when it finally arrived. 6 tables of guests, 68 guests (or thereabouts) and 2.5 hours to serve / eat a three course meal. I was tempted to get up and walk to McDonalds, because it would have been quicker.

Speech time came and I thought the damned thing was never going to end. The bride's father kept his mercifully short, before handing over to Phil, who proceeded to read out a list of bullet points as his speech. The quiet one in the family, apparently. Give him a soap box and now we all wish that he'd just shut up. When he finally shut up, our cousin stood to deliver his speech. Effective, funny, well delivered - thanks. Then we prepared to leave, but had to stand around waiting for a lot longer, as no-one seemed inclined to move in this heat. I was at the end of my tether and ready to start cracking skulls, as the table next to us had some of the worst parenting I have ever seen on display. However, cracking the parent's skulls doesn't set a good example to the kids, so I refrained.

Stood around in the car park for 10-15 minutes waiting for everyone to pile out and then having to find the dummy for my nephew, who was coming back. My quip was remarkably close to the location, having stated that "his father's in the reception, where we left him!" The dummy was in his pocket, despite the fact that I'd asked if we had this particular item in the equipment, when we left. Tie gone, jacket to follow, we then had to chase down my cousin, to give her a birthday present for her three year old, as he turned 3 on the 24th of July. She had failed to escape the town, let alone make it to the motorway and have a break to Cornwall, so all was well there.

Respite was glorious. A change of clothes out of the suit, half tempted to jump in the shower, but settling for a cup of tea and a slob about in a pair of shorts was easier. I was tempted to call it quits there, but felt obliged to attend the evening do. Why, I do not know. It just happened. Of course, this morning, I wish I had not gone, the day was already a fucking farce, why not try to salvage some time for me, so that I can get away from all of this? Oh, that might be it, I've not spoken to the bride or groom so far. As I type this, I have still heard nothing from either of them, ungrateful fucks. "Oh, but she has a bad back." Stated my mum, as we drove home, at about 10. "So? Her husband is not joined to her at the hip and both of them have my mobile number. They thanked everyone else in the speech, I was getting towards actually expecting one myself!"

The single worst part of the evening was when my cousin (the best man, not my date) started coming on to me. He was being really agressive about it and no, I'm not doing it in a sexual way, when men get to see my dick. It's a necessary evil that comes from getting changed in a communal changing room.

I'm still in a mood this morning and I hope it passes. Not sure it will, when I consider how much of a pain both my brother and his other half have been since we've known her to be honest. I won't be inviting them to my wedding, that's for sure.

In fact, strike that. There is one woman on the face of the planet, who can change my mind about all of this. She is the girl that I will marry and yes, I would make a sacrifice for her. After all, if I'm willing to pledge myself to her for the rest of my days, then she is worth bearing a little burden for.

I just hope that I find her soon.


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2012-07-25 05:14:21

Superb writing skills. Good luck on finding.

Coop responds:

Well, I'm just reporting on what I've seen with my own two eyes. Perhaps I should turn it into a book. It might sell a copy or two.


2012-07-25 07:32:02

Coop, never give up. You're a good guy and you'll find what you're looking for. Karma is a cunt, but it's not that rude...

Coop responds:

In that case, I'll be rich, famous, skilled at everything and be married to the equivalent of Kelly Brook in my next lifetime :P


2012-07-25 12:32:39

Reading this, I'm really happy that everything is fine between me and my brother. There was a time when things where differently, but after a big clash and the aftermath of that clash, everything became better.

Anyway, if you are going to marry "that one woman" you should invite your brother and your sister in law. I think your mom would be happy if you do.

Coop responds:

If it's going to happen, it's going to happen. I'm sure that if she's the one, she will convince me just how right that you think you are about it.

Now, if I can sort out a table for them and the clan, in a separate room at the reception...


2012-07-25 13:55:21

Reading this made me happy that i have no brothers.

Coop responds:

Yeah, but you have a sister, don't you?

My brother wanted to be my sister for 18 months - 2 years. I think that I managed to talk him out of it, because of the fact that he had 2 (now 3) small children, who all needed father figures.


2012-07-25 20:14:19

Gave it a second reading and I easily understand the situation better. I know I originally said that you should at least show your support to your family but if your brother was truly bad and not worth the effort, then you should not have bothered showing up at all since it's really down to you whether you should be there or not if you are given an invitation. There are some things I simply want to avoid because I know it would only go to hell and I hate being right when my predictions are correct.

There was a wedding with my friends that I probably should have been there for but not only was I not in contact with them for a few months, I would refuse to even stay close to where the events are taking place if they had invited any of the evil teaching assistants that we all knew from high school. If I ever have the misfortune to meet any of those fucktards from that hellish school, I would just tell them to fuck off and die or anything just as harsh. So with that, I felt I was doing everyone a favour by not even having the smallest say about what's going on.

Thankfully with my sister who is engaged right now, I have nothing to worry about her as we get along very well. Hell, she's a big fan of heavy metal; what more could she do to be a better sibling? :P I still think it's a few years away until the wedding is finally confirmed but I certainly have nothing to fault about her fiancé. He's a very nice guy and I really cannot think of a single thing he has done wrong.

As for my love life, well, I think it's been established many times how shitty it's been for the last 22 years. I'd like it to make a real turn soon but fuck knows how long I've kept repeating that to myself. It doesn't help when the last time I felt like I was truly in love was so much of a fucking tease that we never declared that we were in a relationship. I honestly keep thinking that for the most part, maybe it's only the evil scumbags that get to win in life...

Coop responds:

It's a moral high ground issue - they invited me, perhaps I should invite them and send a text to follow saying "I've invited you on principle, but I really will understand if you choose not to come *wink wink*"

Guess you have a better sister than I do a brother.

Your love life will turn around at some stage. Trust me.


2012-08-06 03:57:45

Not sure what to say really Coop. I want to be supportive to you I just sturggle to get into that framemind of not loving my brothers. Let me explain with my needless history (sorry)..

I remember when I was 16 and I entrusted one of my brothers with my bank card on the understanding that he would only take a certain amount and bring my card straight back. He didn't, he went straight to the pub, and he withdrew more money then I said he could.

Later that night I told him that I could never trust him again, and he cried and I cried and we moved on from it, because I'm a soft touch when it comes to family. A few years later when his girlfriend was pregnant, I can't remember what he did but I remember telling him that I hoped his son wouldn't turn out like him. Naturally he was upset and while I still hope little Oliver grows up to be better than his dad, I regret telling my brother that really.

Even now my brother is a complete pain. I've lost count of the money he owes me, or the selfishness he has by only calling me, our other brother or my mum and dad when he WANTS something, never to see how we are, never on birthdays to wish us well. Everything is all about him, and if I washed my hands of him completely then it would probably be a justifiable thing. But I love him. Sometimes regrettably but I still do. Also I think not having a relationship with my brother would really just break my mums heart.

There is nothing more that a mother cherishes above her children and they cherish too the relationships their children have with each other. My mum will cry if my brothers get on karoke together singing Oasis and feels unbounded amounts of joy if the 3 of us are just together talking animatedly about anything.

I don't know what your brother did or if its just because you don't approve of his life choices, but I always think having my brothers in my life is better for me then not having them. Carl (the painful brother) is well, that a pain yes. I do not like his wife, I can admit that. I believe you don't like your brothers wife either. But if I didn't keep them in my life, if I didn't keep the peace then I wouldn't get to be with my nephews and to me that is the most important thing now. Everytime I see Oliver smile and baby Harry giggle it just makes the years of painful sibling rivalry worth it.

Coop responds:

Leanne, you're my voice of reason. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. <3

Even sitting here in the office, you've brought a tear to my eye, just from reading part 1. You're right, I never saw eye to eye with Philip and the hardest part was about 3 years ago, when I came home from an evening at Bex' place, to find a note on my pillow. Philip no longer wanted to be known by his given name, as he felt he was living a lie. He now wanted to be known as "Tatiana Hope", which aside from being a ridiculous name, also meant that he wanted to be my little sister... Little, standing at 6'5.

He would still respond to "Lurch", but would prefer if we called her "Tan", "Tanya", or "Tat" (I thought that was spelled with a silent w, but that's another story.)

As I'm sure you will understand, waves of frustration, disbelief, guilt and other emotions came over me and I wasn't right for weeks. I never used any of those names and became quite withdrawn, my posting habits became quite negative and this put strain on my friendships and my relationship, which ultimately succumbed. I don't blame him for the break up, these things happen. The situation became more complicated as his girlfriend was pregnant with another man's baby (3 months gone, when they started going out). For the first two years of little Midge's life, she had two mums. Then Faith came along, much to Phil's surprise. Karma works in funny ways, as shortly afterward, Corin came as a surprise to both of the parents.

In spite of my feelings toward the parents, I would not hold that against my two nieces and nephew. I felt that I had to say something and I told him straight, that his children nedeed a father figure. He has since gone back to being Phil, but I am braced for one day, hearing that he will want to become Tan again and make a fuck ugly woman, once more.

Maybe I should be the man in this situation and send him a text, as neither of them bothered to speak to me, let alone thank me for attending their wedding. Is that too much to ask?


2012-08-06 04:00:37

I read out of room 3: Good point to shut up about my own life then.

I'm sorry you had a shit wedding though. I hate them myself too, until I get fucking wasted. As for whether you should invite your brother to your own wedding, well I say yes. You did get invited after all by him so its only fair to 'return the favour'. I would hope above that, that you could repair your relationship with each other but thats your choice and as I've said, I'm just soft with my family. Probably too much.

Feel better Coop.

Coop responds:

I've tried to reach out to him with the olive branch, but he bats it away. I've all but given up on this line of communication, as it feels like I'm wasting my energy.

Oh well, I suppose one more go can't hurt.



2012-08-06 16:09:38

Do whatever makes you happy Coop, but I generally feel that you yourself would ultimately feel better if you could reconnect with Philip, if you could find that bond again that ties you not just as sibling, but as BROTHERS.

The note he left on your pillow that night says a lot to me. It tells me that he was afraid to talk to you but that he wanted you desperately to know and understand his decision. Not just that but he then listened to you a few years later when you told him straight what he needed to do for his children.

Yes one day he may go back to being 'Tatiana Hope' but if that is what makes him happy then so be it. I get that its hard to take in for you and your family. I can't even imagine how I'd handle that myself so I won't pretend to understand how much it affected you. But that is Phillips choice remember.

But for now he is listening. He's gotten married as a man, he is a father (a good one I hope) to his children. I don't know what kind of son he is to your parents but I'm assuming not an awful one. Perhaps now he is ready to be a brother to you.

I say, call him. Call him and ask to just meet for a drink in a mutual setting maybe. Or if that seems too much then just talk on the phone. Don't get into anything heavy. Talk about the wedding, the kids, your parents, the Olympics. Whatever. Just baby steps.

If it falls apart then so be it, but from how it sounds here (I know I've only got the basic details from you on here) it sounds like he's grown up a lot. And if you can't forgive family, then who can you forgive?

To repeat what I said at the start, do what you want though Coop. You obviously still have a lot of emotion for your brother and to me it needs sorting out, but then like I said I'm a soft touch.

Good luck whatever you do, if you try to talk to him or even if you don't. Good luck.

And if you want to talk about anything you can always pm me ok. <3

Coop responds:

I sent him a text, like you suggested. He has had a chat with me and I think we've made some genuine progress. I'm stunned, to be honest.

I think that while the signs were there from him growing his hair out, (strangely that started about a year before I grew mine out, but that's another story) he had to tell me - it's difficult to pull off dressing as a woman in a house with your parents and brother, without telling anyone about it.

I'm not sure that he is willing to be brother - I think there is some lingering animosity, or bad feeling from my rejection of the idea completely. Nothing that was said, but just a hunch. Apparently, we'll be trying to have a takeaway, with all of the family at some stage, but I'm not as much of a fan of that, due to his wife being there. Still, his choice, not mine, so I have to live with it.

Thanks for the offer, I might take you up on it, just not right now, I'm happy talking on here - not many people pry into my news posts.


2012-08-06 17:16:05

Something else I realise that you likely need to understand.

You've hurt him too Will.

When he was going through that.. stage, he needed support. Sure its a mind boggling thing for a guy to just suddenly decide to do but I imagine his brother rejecting him then hurt him a lot. He wanted you to understand and you didn't. He still cares what you think which is why he finally listened to reason later from you, but I think he probably still felt bitter about how you handled his life crisis. When he needed support he didn't get it. Thats why he turned down your peace offering before I imagine.

You both have apologises to make I think, but its fixable. You may never be close brothers but I'm sure you both can fix this so that you can be in the same room as each other without it being awkward.

Again, good luck.

Coop responds:

He had support - my family had support, from all of our relatives going up to them and telling mum that everything would be alright. Dad bottled it all up and had an episode similar to me, just delayed by about 18 months.

Mine was worse, because it was prolonged. I felt bitter that no-one in the family told me it was going to be alright and they let me basically become my own worst enemy, venting at mum, about it. Seeing her hurt tore me apart, yet I couldn't stop myself. I've got some good friends, who tried their damnedest to help, but there is only so far that friends can go, especially when you live at home with your parents.

Well, I've apologised, I doubt he will, as I don't think he will see it as his fault at all - not his MO. Be that as it will, I'll try to make it through and be the guy that I should be - Uncle Will.


2012-08-08 12:15:39

Well done you. A family takeaway sounds good. Yes, you'll have to bite your tongue around his wife, its his choice there after all. Like it will be yours when you find the lady of your dreams.

My brother is currently staying with me and my mum atm. He and the wife had another fight and either he walked out on her or she kicked him out, but its not the first time and it won't be the last. They're already back to 'date nights' and now he wants to scrounge off me and mum for the next month by staying here longer so he can save up for a car while Amina (his wife) claims help with the council because her husband has left her. I don't approve of these cheating antics and I don't like how he hasn't thanked me and mum once for allowing him to stay here, but thats his MO there too.

I feel bad for the kids, especially Oliver who will remember this stuff now he's bigger, but Carl reckons that him being able to afford a car will end a lot of stain between him and Amina. So me and mum put up with it. More really that I put up with it (mum loves having him here) and he just continues to be selfish him.

I do kinda want their marriage to fail, and that probably sounds very horrible considering they have young children but I think you're in the same boat there with your own brother. Obviously if it all works out then good for the kids, but I just can't like her. Shes not horrible to me, shes civil enough. We just clash on a lot of issues and I think shes very condescending and patronizing, plus I think she can be wicked. So I won't shed a tear if it all crumbles, I'll just pat my brother on the back and be there for him how he needs me to.

And yes be uncle Will! I'm sure uncle Will cannot be as bad as Coop Will so it'll be a plus ;D

Seriously though, I'm still not sure where I stand when it comes to children. Not sure if I have what it takes to be a mother, but I do know that whatever my future holds when it comes to potential offspring, I know that I want to be the best aunt I can be to my nephews. I want to be the aunt that they come to when they're 13 just so they can moan about their parents, the one they don't feel awkward about seeing in case they forget my name. I want them to think "Auntie Leanne is cool". So I'll put up with Carl and his inconsiderate ways and his wife that I don't really like, cause my nephews are more important to me than they are.

Be happy.

Coop responds:

Well, since that momentous thing happened, I've not seen hide, nor hair of any of them, so go figure. I've only got about a month left in the cricket season, but after that, I don't know how things will work out.

The dice are cast, I can only sit here and see what the result will be.


2012-08-13 01:42:52

"The dice are cast, I can only sit here and see what the result will be."

Not sure anymore if we're lamenting about our woeful brothers or playing Dungeons & Dragons.

I probably shouldn't joke really. Just had to there.

Well sorry to hear that it hasn't gone completely to plan. There is still time though.

Coop responds:

Like with most things in my life, I'm stuck in a holding pattern, waiting for something to happen.


2012-08-13 06:35:47

Don't worry Coop. I can preach to that really. Even though I'm trying to better myself atm, I'm not going forward THAT much. I have step backs and with my life it just feels like I'm doing the same routine over and over again. Its depressing really and I feel like I need a big change but nothing happens.

When and if I lose this disgusting fat upon me and you're still woman less, we should go out.

Coop responds:

I'm not THAT shallow, am I?

I think that the distance is more of an issue, tbh ;)


2012-08-20 06:51:09

This is one hell of a story. Thanks for sharing.

Coop responds:

Helps me to get it off my chest.


2012-09-19 06:43:01

y shuld rite a book bout it

Coop responds:

People have said that before, but I've never gotten around to it. Perhaps I will at some stage.


2012-09-22 17:45:39

I have the most dysfunctional family on this planet so any family function I ever attend is just pure, unbridled, drama and bullshit.

Most of them are unemployed and uneducated--as in never even made it to university and got mail in high school diplomas--and they just keep popping out babies and living off the government/welfare/dole.

I dread all weddings, baby showers, birthday parties etc.

Want me to bake you a cake? Would that make it better?

(Updated ) Coop responds:

A cake would be nice. One with fruit, I'm on a diet :)