If you have a care, please read my latest literary work, Blammer 29

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Ah, the joy of stiff legs. Well, considering just how far I've walked, there's no wonder that I'm getting complaints from south of my knees this morning.

Friday 20th January

Generally, beginnings are the best of places to start, so when I left home at about 9am, the idea that hardly anyone knew I was going to be there was fantastic. A delightfully evil smirk crept across my face as I walked down into town and back up the hill on the other side to the station.

Assassin's Creed : Renaissance was the reading material of choice for this journey and the return, so I set to on that, while making the trip through to Birmingham and on National Express to Manchester. I wasn't too happy that the weather conditions on the M6 were a portent of doom for the next few hours. Having enjoyed a good read, I disembarked and began my route to the Premier Inn, successfully getting lost and starting to walk towards Preston (Don't ask!) Stopping to tie my shoelaces for what seemed like the hundredth time, I glanced behind, probably at some girl, I saw a looming building and the sign "Premier Inn". Not happy with my timing and sense of direction, I doubled back and sent Luis an urgent Text, to say I'd be there in about 10 minutes (I wished!)

About 20-25 minutes later, a drowned rat appears at the door and is greeted / jeered at by the assembled members - Luis, Ragnarokia, Kes, Dean, Grant, Keith, Kieran and a few others, whom I have forgotten, though not intentionally. I was given the key and headed up to get dry / dump some gear.

A change of clothes later and having attacked my sodden shoes with the hair dryer, I headed downstairs, to meet up with everyone... but they had all left. Sitting down in the dry, I asked Luis for directions and Tom (TDK1987) joined me. After some messing around with directions, Tom told me that it was an eight minute walk from the Premier Inn. Only it turned out to be an eight minute drive, so we walked for about half an hour in the rain.

The drowned rats numbering two entered the Kyoto Lounge and the gaming began in earnest. Settlers of Catan was the game to start with, as Kes has brought this old chestnut with him once more. Ben (Wonchop) showed up and produced Jungle Speed, though that didn't get played so soon. Having beaten Tom, Kez and Keith at Catan, I was starting to dry out, so all was good. Then we moved to the Odder Bar, where food was procured.

When I think about the number of times that I've been to London and the surrounding territories and I've never had pie and mash, it seemed strange that I had the Chicken and Mushroom Pie, with mash from this place... Odd, even. Yes, I was punished for puns of this magnitude for the whole event, you will be no doubt pleased to know.

Luis moved his flock of children on towards a Karaoke bar, which was small, but quite serviceable, as we piled the coats under the table in the corner and took up the customary position around the bibles, making our selections. Some of the locals and the Newgrounders were particularly impressed with my rendition of Tribute, by Tenacious D, plus getting involved in a few too many Oasis songs makes me glad I didn't try to pick anything by Blur, since they hate one another and the locals seemed to have already drawn a very thick black line on that subject.

Then the worst part happened - the little blonde woman, who seemed to try and grope every one of the Newgrounders, while yelling something in their ears tried her luck with me. Hey love, I'm not that desperate, nor am I blind drunk. Winston Churchill springs to mind "You're drunk!" says a woman to him "And you madam, are ugly, but in the morning I shall be sober, while you will still be ugly!" I forget exactly what she shouted to me, though it was interspersed with ear-splitting fucks and other local pleasantries. I'm sure that not all of the women of Manchester are this bad, though.

This diminutive bimbo then raided our coats and tried to wander off with three of them. We managed to recover them, fortunately and my coat was safe from her clutches. *sigh* Finally bored of this venue, we tried a few more venues, which we were turned away from, before heading into the Bay Horse. The bouncer paid me a backhanded compliment "In you go mate, you're older than me!" Thanks...

A nice quiet whiskey later and part of the group (Andy, Keiran, Dean, Grant and others) made our way back to the Premier Inn. Dean played chicken with a taxi, showing us how street savvy he was. The joy of sharing a room with one of the quietest Scotsmen I've ever met is something that I'll remember for a long while. I owe you a (non alcoholic) drink for that, Dean, if only to say thanks.

Saturday

The next morning, I was awoken by roadworks, of all things. Just what you want first thing in a morning, when you've had a late one. My colleague's mantra of "It's not a road trip if you don't eat crap!" surfaced in my brain, so breakfast was supplied by Greggs. Early morning sausage rolls are always good, so I filled up on them and discussed moderating with a few of the guys, while messing about with my laptop. We adjourned with the gang to the Kyoto Lounge again, for the main event. The walk across town was much easier this time, as we took a route that was more direct, there was no rain and we all arrived together.

The guys at Kyoto Lounge were overjoyed to see us and starting on the drinks, we sorted out a PS3, XBOX and a bank of five PCs for the gaming pleasure. I took some nasty beatings on Halo Reach, before chatting to a few people around the bar and catching up with the likes of Bez for a spot of beard on beard action. This also led to me spending some time with Liam (DumbassDude) and the occasional knowing comment directed to or from LegolaSS. Yes, I did steal your computer, when you went to the bar. You snooze, you lose.

Nintendisco were in town for their first appearance in Manchester, yet they made quite an impression, the spoils falling to Oliver for his antics with Street Fighter, as I stepped up eventually to play Super Mario Kart - a game that I've not played since my University days and the discerning eyes of the crowd caught me steering the Wii controller for the first race, though I still won. 3 wins and 2 losses on the evening, after I was ousted by a professional ninja, who seemed to own every track he'd raced on, so I wasn't that disappointed to have lost.

More booze followed and Luis summoned me to the bar for a Whiskey. Having exhaused the supply of oranges from the bar, he was unable to enjoy his usual tipple of a traditional bourbon, so he had a double Johnny Walker Black, while I was treated to another double Glenfiddich straight. Luis seemed confused that I wanted to take the single malt straight, but you can't dilute it with that much water. Maybe if I'd got those whiskey rocks, that you can freeze, I'd be happier. No matter, it was good scotch.

We formed the Epic bus, with myself, Andy, Keith, Keiran, Ragnarokia, Kez, Tom, Ben and a few others, if I remember correctly (I'm writing this less than 24 hours later, how fucked was I?) and we staggered to Dominoes, before heading back to base. Keith was surprised to learn that I'm an RPGer, having been a veteran of D&D and other such games for over half of my life now. We talked somewhat of these games on our way back, occasionally getting diverted by the discussion of Metal, as Bahmut's attempts to evade Ragnarokia became a little more desparate. After the discussion petered out at the end of the night, a now more enlightened Keith was allowed to retire and I stumbled a whole 5 yards back to my own abode, trying (and failing) to let Dean sleep. More reading in the middle of the night, while drunk. I'm glad that I already know the plot of this book, otherwise I might have missed something.

Sunday

I woke early, to the sounds of the Cathedral bells, this time. Bastards. I surfaced and managed to get about half an hour of internet time in before Dean was roused by his alarm, so my ninja skills are pretty good... or he was out of it, because I nearly broke my foot on the bathroom door, so that wasn't that good.

I joined Keith and Andy for breakfast, filling up on the good stuff, before preparing for the journey home. Six of us left the hotel at about 12 - Andy, Keith, Ben, Dean and Ragnarokia had all surfaced. Heading to the Arndale Centre, Rag headed off in the direction of Luis, while a few moments later, Ben made off for some food. That left four of us to try and find the coach station, with about 40 minutes to go until departure. A little ambling and a lot of faff later, we arrived at the coach station, where Keith rewarded his endeavours with a mocha. Finally, my meet was at an end, so goodbyes were said to the last of them, before a flurry of text messages to those whose numbers I had stolen / acquired over the course of this meet and others, wishing them all well, as I boarded the coach to Birmingham.

If I thought that home looked bad, passing through Stoke, to the Hanley bus station was a wake up call - the most run down area that I'd seen with my own eyes, I refused to get off the coach and decided to stretch my legs - they would get plenty of a stretching later. The driver couldn't get out of there quick enough, but apologies to the good people of Stoke, it probably isn't all that bad...

The Birmingham skyline loomed out of the book, as I recognised Spaghetti Junction and the wonder that is Villa Park. I knew that I was home, so the train wasn't far off. The driver reported that we had arrived 20 minutes earlier, despite the 15 minute wait in Hanley, so all was good. I walked the half mile back to the station, to be told at half three that the next train to get me home was quarter past 4. More book, procrastination and indecision as to what to write here. One packed train later and I was on the last leg of my journey - the few miles across town to finish the job.

Now I've had a day back in the office, I'm glad to be home, glad that I didn't miss it and especially glad to have made more friends, as well as reacquainted myself with some old friends, which is always nice. Newgrounds meets need more girls, prefferably good looking single ones, but if that's the only complaint, then I should raise a glass to you all for coming to keep me occupied :D

Coop Out.