Sitting at my desk on the 13th of March 2011, when I consider what's happened over the past few days, I'm not sure I can find the words to express myself. I'm listening to the local radio station, broadcasting the rugby match between Worcester and Bristol, as I try to come to terms with those feelings within me.

After many tense discussions with my girlfriend, we've decided to call it quits. This split was a lot more amicable than the last time we did it. A heated argument gave us the messy split last year and we patched things up, only to meet the definitive end here and now.

Clichés abound, mainly because they hold true. We have agreed to try and stay friends. It would be difficult otherwise, due to the fact that we enjoyed RPGs and games of Magic the Gathering with mutual friends. I've never been here before and it's a strange feeling to come to terms with.

When we broke up in the first place, I was relieved, as there had been a lot of buildup for all the wrong reasons. Reasons for breaking up tend never to be right, but as I think about this, we were just moving away from one another. I don't think that either of us was committed to the relationship and making it work out, which is sad, but when you've not made much progress towards setting up a home together in four and a half years, which eats away at someone who is looking for this, such as me.

I can't have a go at Bex, because she is a free spirit and certainly enigmatic, with the way that she wants to live her life. I guess that I wasn't compatible with how her plans have become apparent since we got together. I think that she has become a lot more of a person in the few years that I've known her so well.

Where do I go from here? Well, I've got my pastimes to keep me going, but it's going to be strange being about without having to worry about the other half for a while. Perhaps Miss Right is just waiting for me and things will happen, who knows what the future holds? I think I'll just try to relax, as I don't want to go diving into another relationship with my emotions as they are at the moment. I'll have more free time to get on with the things I've enjoyed over the past few years and perhaps my cricket will improve because of it.

I'm happy that we've sorted it out, but there is more than a tinge of sadness there, as it wasn't what I felt that the result would end up being. I've got a decision to make as to whether or not I hop on the train in August and head for London for a Newgrounds meetup alone. I can do it, so long as the money permits, which is a big problem, not just for me, but for everyone. I've got tickets to Iron Maiden in July with her and some friends, so for the sake of a damned good night out, I hope that we can stay friends at least that long.

She said that she would miss my family - the sad thing is that I'm not entirely sure if she will miss me - the clingy boyfriend who tried to get her to do stuff that she didn't want to. I'm still the only one that is (was) close to her that doesn't like the dog she acquired. Sure, I did some stuff that she wanted me to, but her patience with other aspects of my life had waned and her curiosity for other things had intensified.

I've been writing this for hours now - sitting in front of the computer, going away, trying to distract myself and then coming back for another shot at it, but it's really hard and I still can't find words to express it. Partially happy for the fact that neither of us was going anywhere as we were, so we're both taking a step forward. But partially sad for the fact that I've got four and a half years of memories with this young woman who I fell for and who fell for me. They are mostly good, but there are sad ones there as well. We were an item at my best friend's wedding and the holiday that we took in the Lake District in 2007 was unforgettable, to focus on the good.

Yes, I can go on and live my life anew, without her companionship as a lover, but it remains to be seen as to how I'll progress now regarded as a friend. Can it really be that simple a transition, as we both know each other intimately? This is a new chapter in the book of Coop and 2011 hasn't started too well, with the car crash and this hanging over my head, as well as trying to be the white knight, which also backfired on me.

I've had friends calling me, since Bex has arranged that we don't go Role Playing tomorrow night, since being thrust into the friendship situation, as opposed to being a couple might open old wounds. She knows that I wear my heart on my sleeve and that busting into tears at a friend's house isn't the way forward. I just wish that they would give me a little space, since after the messy split, they got me around to talk about it and after listening to me for five minutes, it was just them slagging off people I knew, which didn't help. I'll take my time and will come to terms with it. It still feels too weird, too fresh.

This time yesterday (10.30 pm), it was me being all pissed off, because so many things had come between us as a couple and no allowance was made by her for quality time spent with me. Some say that I have the patience of a saint. I disagree. I know that my temper has let me down more than a few times in this relationship and that is something I do regret. I don't regret standing up to her father, since he is just a bully and from my own personal experience, I won't tolerate it. At the end of the day, there were mistakes on both sides and if either of us sit back and look at it honestly, it was never going to work out entirely. Dysfunction is a dynamic of relationships tat you just have to work around, to a degree. There was too much in this one, as our interests were not shared to such an extent that we wanted such a different life each.

And so ends a shitty week. Let's hope for better things next week, eh?